Maybe our lives are like moving trains. You can only move forward. Going backward is never the option. I have proven to myself I do have courage to face all THIS. I know what it was going to happen beforehead. Of course I know, without surprises. But I told myself this is what I need to bear if I have made this decision. I decided to be picky about my choices instead of jumping into a comfort zone. So I am not hiding behind my parents' back. I don't want to be shame of myself. And I am proud of myself. Yup. I chose and therefore I am bearing the consequences -- the accusations. But then, bearing the accusations was tougher than I thought. It wasn't a surprising question. But I got tear-eyed at that time. His statement was nonsense and brutal and heartbreaking. It did crack my heart. Maybe the most hurtful part was the mistrust issue. He thought that I was the stupid granddaughter who was manipulated by the activists so I was blacklisted by the government. So I did not get a job. He did not trust my judgment or ability. He thinks that I am a stupid shit. At that time, my mind went blank. The only thing I was trying to do was to withhold my tears. I did not want to shed a fucking tear. The tear will only make it worse and attract unwanted attention. Maybe I cracked his heart too. He was too shocked to believe that I have not found a job. Maybe you think that a job is money-making. But I treat it as a career. A job that requires me to commit wholeheartedly. We just see the world differently.
