最近正在在讀 Daniel Gottlieb 寫的 Letters to Sam – A Grandfather’s Lessons on Love, Loss and the Gift of Life ，獲益良多, 在這裡跟大家分享一下。 作者 Daniel 是一位 54 歲的心理學家和家庭治療師，自 20 多年前遇上車禍開始下半身癱瘓, 每天必須用輪椅代步，經歷挫折的他並沒因此而意志消沉, 仍然積極面對生活,輔導心靈脆弱的 Client, 在電台主持節目, 寫專欄和寫書。這本 Letters to Sam 收集了 32 封 Daniel 寫給患有自閉症的 4 歲孫子 Sam 的短箋，裡面充滿了祖父對孫子愛的叮嚀。 Daniel 在書中跟 Sam 分享該如何與父母相處、上學被同學欺凌時該怎麼辦、怎樣面對欲望、逆境和死亡、怎樣去愛、怎樣去做一個堂堂正正的男子漢。在書的前言中，Daniel 說：「自從 Sam 出世後，我知道我要告訴他生存和愛，要他明白父母也會有脆弱的時候。我要告訴他有關毒品、性、浪漫、工作、錢和一切其他的事項。」… 聽說人類社會之所以比其他的群居動物更文明, 主要是因為人類有更有效的文化承傳過程，除了因為人類的社會結構中父母和子女共同居住的時間比其他物種長, 所以能把更多生存技巧和文化收穫教授給後代之外, 更重要是, 人類社會結構裡面有祖父母。一些比父母的生活經驗更豐富的親人, 為你所展示的世界觀,人生觀是截然不同的。我們常常以為教養孩童主要是父母的責任, 然而卻忽略了, 祖父母在我們成長過程裡面,也扮演了一個十分重要的角色。 或許 4 歲的 Sam 還未有能力讀明白祖父所寫的這本書, 每位讀這本書的朋友卻都能從中得到啟發，對生命有了另一種的體會,對父母有多一份的體諒，也對自己的生命有多一份的珍惜。讀完以後, 我也想起自己過世了的祖母, 我的祖母是一位很有智慧很堅強的老人家, 如果她會寫字, 而且把她從前所教我的道理都結集成書的話,相信一定也能造福人群,甚至大賣。 不知道, 你的祖父母為你所展示的又是怎樣的一個世界呢? 我也很有興趣哦~! 下面節錄一段書中內容,希望你喜歡啦~! Healing Our Wonds Dear Sam, Shortly after my accident, an occupational therapist introduced me to an anti- gravity device that would help me gain some use of my arms. The therapist strapped me into slings counterbalanced with springs, so my arms were literally weightless. Splints were attached into my hands. In each hand I held a pencil with the eraser-end pointing down. Using the feeling I still had in my shoulders to move my arms and hands and manipulate the erasers, I practiced turning the pages of a book. As my arms gained strength, the therapist reduced the springs’ pressure so I would become stronger enough to hold them up without the device. By the end of the week, I was able to turn pages without any assistance. My wife and the therapist were impressed by how quickly I’d been able to master this. ” Look how much you’ve accomplished in one week!” I felt complete despair. “Five years ago,” I said, “I wrote a three hundread fifty pages doctoral dissertation. And now you want me to be proud because I can turn a page?” Sam, I know there will be times when you are hurt. Even now, when things don’t go your way, you feel terrible emotional pain. But I hope you won’t blame yourself or someone else for the b=pain. And strange as it sounds, I also hope you will not listen to people who try to talk you out of your pain or show you the way to fix it. Because if you try too hard to fix pain, it only takes longer to heal! Inevitably, all pain is about longing for yesterday- whatever we had before, whatever used to be. But when pain doesn’t go away fast enough, we criticize ourselves for not getting over it, for not being strong enough, or even for being vulnerable in the first place. Sam, that’s not how wound heal. They don’t obey our wishes. Healing takes place in its own way and in its own time. About a year after that bleak experience of struggling to turn a page, I was back at work. Alone in my office, I attempted to move a printed article from a filing cabinet and put it onto my desk where I could read it. A single staple held together the sheets of paper. As I slid the stapled sheets from the filing cabinet , they started to slither from my grasp. I knew from bad experience that if paper fell into the floor and lay flat, I would have to get someone else to come and pick it up. As the papers started to slide down again, I slowed them with the back of my hand pressing against the filing cabinet. As the papers landed on the floor, they formed a tent, staple- side up, that I knew I could recover. With careful maneuvering, I got my thumb under the staple and gingerly lifted the article up to my desk. It took about twenty minutes. And ad the article finally came to rest faceup on my desk, I felt great pride. Then I thought back to the previous year. Why did I feel grief then and pride now? A year before, I was longing for yesterday. This year, I was living in today. My wound had been healing. Not because I wished to, not on my timetable, and not by any fancy techniques. I wasn’t even aware that I was healing until that moment in my office. How did the healing come about? The way wounds heal is a miracle. Inevitably, they heal on their own. All we have to do is not let our hungry egos demand that the pain go away on a certain timetable. We need to have faith that the pain will pass. After all, pain is an emotion and no emotion stays forever. Sam, you will meet a lot of well-meaning people who think they know ways that you can heal more quickly and feel less pain. They may be eager to suggest those ways and may even insist there are things you ” should do”. They do, indeed, mean well, and most are acting out of genuine caring. But before you take their advice, remember that everything a physical wound needs to heal is already in the body. Oxygen, blood, nutrients are all in there, ready to begin their work. And the moment you are wounded, the healing begins. Emotional wounds are the same. Sometimes these wounds do not heal because the mind gets all involved and says things like ” I should do this and I ‘ll feel better,” or “Maybe I could do that to repair the damage,” or ” I am hurting because of what another person did, and once they fix it, I will feel better.” All of this mind talks just interferes with the natural healing process. When you feel deeply hurt, you have everything you need in yourself to repair the damage. You want compassion,understanding, and nurturing in order to heal. But most of all, you need time. When I am in a dark tunnel, I want to be with people who love me enough to sit in the darkness with me and not stand outside telling me how to get out. I think that’s what we all want. When you are hurt, be close to people who love you and who can tolerate your pain without passing judgement of giving you advice. As time passes, you will long less for what you had yesterday and experience more of what you have today. 延伸閱讀: 只剩下半場 ﹣解讀亞伯拉罕的下半生 IV：交棒
